YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, WY — National Park Service rangers worked in conjunction with the Army Corps of Engineers today to cap off one of the nations beloved landmarks, “Old Faithful,” due to the current government shutdown and consequent furloughs.
Chief Mechanical Engineer, Col. Nathaniel Langford, who was in charge of the project noted that the costs associated with the undertaking was astronomical, costing taxpayers an estimated $20 million. WASHINGTON—Following this month’s rollout of President Obama’s signature health care law, millions of uninsured citizens across the country praised the program for allowing them to become blindingly enraged at health insurance companies for the first time in their lives, sources confirmed. “I’ve been working two to three jobs without once qualifying for health insurance for as long as I can remember, and now for the first time ever, I’ll be able to fill out reams and reams of indecipherable forms and paperwork that will frustrate and anger me in ways I could never possibly imagine,” said Oregon man David Haddock, adding that he now has access to nearly 10 insurance companies that have staffs that will try to deny him benefits at every turn and make his life a living hell. “Come January 1, my wife and I will finally be unable to find a good doctor that’s in network, I’ll try to call our insurance provider to get an explanation, and then I’ll be on hold for an hour before I slam the phone down on the ground. It’ll be one of the happiest days of our lives.” At press time, Obamacare had already helped numerous citizens punch a hole in their computer monitors after the repeated failure of healthcare.gov.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamacare-helps-uninsured-americans-become-blindin,34176/ This Is A Tragedy—Does It Really Matter Exactly How Many People Died Or What Any Of The Details Are?4/16/2013
By Col Allan, 'New York Post’ Editor Yesterday’s violent attack at the Boston Marathon has left all of us struggling to come to terms with such a senseless display of carnage. In the wake of this devastating tragedy, we at the New York Post join the nation in mourning those who were lost in this horrible event so that we may console one another and ultimately emerge from this catastrophe stronger and with a greater compassion for one another. And so, as we attempt to begin the healing process, let us not bicker over such trivial matters as the actual death toll and what exactly happened at yesterday’s bombing. After all, is it really important, in the aftermath of an event so disastrous and sad, to pick apart the so-called information surrounding this horrific situation and find out what actually happened? BAGHDAD, IRAQ – United Nations weapons inspectors have confirmed the announcement on Monday by the Iraqi government that its soldiers had finally discovered Saddam Hussein’s weapons of mass destruction program, completely upending the history of the Iraq War, once viewed as a pointless quagmire but now seen as a tough but necessary conflict.
The New York Times became the latest news outlet to completely reverse itself on the invasion of Iraq, with an editorial now referring to it as “the greatest decision of the century.” |
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